Modern Manners Evaluator Gifts

'Don't stare, honey, it's rude. Use your camera phone.'

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

Civil war, "You shoot first old boy. No, no I won't hear of it"

'I thanked my teacher for teaching me so well, and she fainted.'

'We may be spoiling him but you'll have to admit it's cute.'

"Mum says I've got to thank you if you gave me anything."

"Oh—pardon the expletive—damn!"

"People come to the park to relax. If you want to run wild yelling your head off, wait until we're at a nice restaurant."

"Do you HAVE to pick your nose at the table?!!"

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?

'It's a new idea - a cell phone booth, where people can talk privately without disturbing others.'

'Drug dealing is starting to become a bit of a problem up here.'

'Sorry, you'll have to wait - now I have a call...'

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

''How am I?' Tsk, you people who don't do facebook! I've got to make up a status update especially for you, have I?'

"Can't talk now David, I'm in a meeting - with you."

'Billy, you're a disgrace to the undead!'

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

'Wall hugging won't get you past me without a 'Good morning', Carson.'

'Get your hands out of your pocket!'

Etiquette and the mobile phone - "Oh hi. I'm on a training course."

"Sorry, Lady, I don't speak boomer."

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."

'Good grief, you were right, dear, they have all died.'

'Easily annoyed by nearby texting guests or not easily annoyed by nearby texting guests.'

"Polite company does not discuss religion, politics, education, gender, climate, diet, credit scores..."

'GBY.' Text speak for 'God bless you.'

Table Setting, 2014.