Modern Lover's Guide Mugs

Online Dating For Dummies

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Online Dating

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

Tasty.

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

'Do you Margaret take Charles to be your etc, etc, etc...just hit the 'I agree' button.'

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Friday night was always sext night.

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

Modern Charm

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

"Look, all we did was sleep together. I saved watching 'Game of Thrones' for us."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

Effective Catcalls

"I'll ALWAYS love you Roger, I'll just be having sex with someone else."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."

"So - we meet at last."

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"I'm afraid swiping left doesn't work in here."

"Will you still love me when I outearn you?"

"Lady lush has another busy day."

'Brad and I met online, webcast our wedding, took a virtual honeymoon...and now we're divorcing through an online attorney.'

'Roy proposed to me in an email, but my spam filter rejected it.'

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness even with a high co-pay?"

It's been a long time, Rudy. Sixteen months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, seven minutes. You're kidding me. There's an iPhone app. It tracks the crucial experiences in my life. I'm kidding you. Did you just make a joke at the expense of yourself and your device? I'm impressed. Sorry device. I'll make it up to you, darling.

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

"I broke up with him because he wouldn't let me use 'Leonardswifi' only 'Leonardswifi-Guest'."

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."