Modern Love Guru Gifts

'Don't ask! Don't look!'

Valentine Delivery

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'You know too much!'

Relationship Warning Lights

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I think we'd make a good team!"

$1: Family Secrets

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."