Modern Love Debater Gifts

Speed Dating/Speed Dumping

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'I can lash out at you, unlike with other girls.'

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

'David, I want you tested for steroids.'

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"I was being myself like you advised. That's when she dumped me!"

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."

Be My P.C.V

Cupid views his online credit rating.

"You're poison, Lauren, but, these days, what isn't?"

Cops at domestic scene with the Hickenloopers.

"He looked a lot bigger online."

"It will be nice to get out, have a few bitter generalizations, and come home."

?20 tax breaks for married couples - 'If we got married we could afford to binge drink.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'My trial marriage was dismissed for lack of evidence.'