Modern Life Explorer Gifts

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"The latest version of your life is now available to download."

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

"A tattoo? You're kidding. It sure looks like a suit."

Polar Bear on a Phone

'Oversensitive Car Alarm'

Sticky Note Trail

"It's cool, but you kinda miss the trumpet fanfare, right?"Sign: "WELCOME JOSH!"

"Don't come home till that bag is full of money."

Wi-Fi

"It's a new phenomenon. When computers go down for an extended period of time, people start to devolve."

Danger Quicksand

"This is weird . . . I haven't got a single text or email in the past three minutes."

"That satellite that constantly tracks our position on earth to within fifty feet recommends that we get out more."

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

"Did you get my tweet?"

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

"Use the back door from now on, kids. That's where I've installed our new metal detector."

Mock Tennial

Non-game changers

"What's the right age to tell a child that she's ironic?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

No Immediate Danger

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Bashful in Nashville

"Knapsack? It's a solar-powered, bluetooth, Wi-Fi, self-charging, two shoulder GenPak with smartphone charger and GPS."