Modern Humour Seeker Gifts

"If anyone has just cause, why Howard and his Palm Pilot should not be lawfully wed..."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

'Fetch.'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

The Runaway Horse

Transylvanian backpackers.

Giraffe Umbrella

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

A caveman paints from life

"I'm just here to pick up some bagels."

National Everything Awareness Day

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Dragon Hair-dryer.

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'