Modern-day Trader T-Shirts

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Day trading.

MUM! No one wanted to buy my cowpats

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Ever Given

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

Export

'I know about the birds and the bees. Can you tell me about making a bundle trading derivatives?'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'Will broker deals for food'

"Today opened as November 10, 1987, swung wildly to March 7, 1996, and closed as December 5, 1902."

'How would you like to trade in our pork bellies pit?'

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

'It's not fair! I wanna save the Earth from asteroids and aliens! All daddy wants to do is sell 1,000 shares of stock!'

'Was Benedict Arnold just a plain old traitor, or was he a day traitor, like you, dad?'

The Day Trader

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

'How did your big investment go, dear?'

"His mood is pegged to the dollar."

'Exactly how much do you have to speculate before anything starts to accumulate?'

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'Okay, I'll see your 3 and raise you another one!'