Modern-day Psychics T-Shirts

"Sorry—that's the screen saver."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Thinking Gears

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

Interdisciplinary studies.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

Quantum Psychic

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

"You're completely screwed up."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."