Modern Couple Supporter Pillows

'Our cell phone providers merged, so we decided to tie the knot too.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"I guess families do come in all shapes and sizes."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Friday night was always sext night.

Modern Charm

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

". . . Do you both like and subscribe. . ."

"I now pronounce you 'romantically linked'."

"I now pronounce you...significant others!"

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"Will you please shut up! I'm trying to talk to Alexa!"

"Do you take this person for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness even with a high co-pay?"

"Click here if you accept his terms and conditions."

"Alexa - tell my husband he's wrong."

"He must be really serious to send you something a permanent as an email."

"Oh, it's the comedian I like that's still scared to talk about her vagina."

It's been a long time, Rudy. Sixteen months, two weeks, four days, sixteen hours, seven minutes. You're kidding me. There's an iPhone app. It tracks the crucial experiences in my life. I'm kidding you. Did you just make a joke at the expense of yourself and your device? I'm impressed. Sorry device. I'll make it up to you, darling.

5-hour relationship drug.

"Give me your KickStarter URL again. I'll just PayPal my money."

'A World energy crisis is looming' "I blame the billions in the 3rd world wanting to get what we've got!"

"Don't waste your ammo pal, we're just f**k buddies."

His and Hers Charge

"And, for music, you want traditional or new age?"

"It's still decided what it wants to be."

'Now accepting credit cards.'

Unborn baby texts his parents.