Modern Convenience Critic Gifts

'How long do we have to wait for a cup holder?'

Easy birth ATM

"So the microwave's got a popcorn button, but the popcorn bag says don't use the popcorn button, and I'm like, Microwave people! Popcorn people! Get your act together!!"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Now you can send it."

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

Pop Top Ice FIshing

Hands-free laptop.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

Santa Elevator

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

"They need to come up with an app that will locate your glasses."

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

"Gracie, people don't understand how hard things used to be. Sure, we can be green and throw out the washing machines...but then we'd have to load up the dirty clothes, drive the car to the river, and wash everything with rocks!"

What's really in junk food...

Vendo Tree.

Church Drive-Thru.

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

TV Dinners, Now in High Definition.

"I want to travel somewhere REMOTE, somewhere unspoiled and untrammeled by hoards of rampaging tourists...but with good wi-fi!"

To avoid malnutrition, throw away the contents and eat the package.

Kangaroo Pocket

"You can just leave it on that crag, thanks."

"Hope you have got a good retirement plan, old man?"

'I'm tired of using every part of the stupid buffalo -- I wish they'd put a Wal-Mart in around here!'

Condom Delivery

'Is there any way you can deliver everything to my e-mail account for now on?'

Drive Thru Police Station

"I just need a few minutes with the auto-sensor to regain my illusion of control."