Modern Communication Analyst Pillows

Another Therapy Session Spent On Their Phones

"So, we're texting lesbian erotica to each other for months, and then I find out 'she' is a Republican congressman from Ohio."

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"You know, there are other emojis."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

'After we learn the alphabet, are we going to learn how to text?'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

Newspaper suicide.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"I'll never forget you."