Modern Communication Analyst Pillows

Another Therapy Session Spent On Their Phones

"So, we're texting lesbian erotica to each other for months, and then I find out 'she' is a Republican congressman from Ohio."

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"You know, there are other emojis."

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'After we learn the alphabet, are we going to learn how to text?'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."