Communication Analyst Pillows

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

"We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontational verbal interfacing."

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

'...I think you've really lost your perspective.'

"I meant the dog!"

"I'm boycotting Twitter. I'm just reading it. I'm not posting anything on it."

Simpler Times Before The Internet

"I just feel like it's important NOT to make good eye contact when communicating."

'Men should never travel without a translator.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

'When I texted you all regarding the manner in which he died, I was disappointed by how many of you responded with 'lol'.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"You know, there are other emojis."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Changing Minds

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."