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Schoolboy

No Immediate Danger

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

A Preschool of Fish

Bashful in Nashville

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

Typical bored kid of the New Millennium

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

"Its's a beautiful day. Why don't you play outside?"

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

'Oh, relax. Stopping to ask how to use the GPS does not violate the male decree against asking directions.'

"And they all lived happily ever after? Boy, that's not the version I found on YouTube!"

Childhood Screen Addict

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

"I like to consider Third Grade as just another life hack."

"You mentioned separation anxiety. Don't worry, she'll be all right."

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

We're waiting to see if he'll see his shadow.

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

'They're fighting over who gets custody of the electronic devices.'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

"I'm at the point where I find mixed signals reassuring."