Modern Catholic T-Shirts

Pope Francis

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Dawing your Cellphone

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Selfie Stick

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Drive-thru Church

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

Final words on gravestones.

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Book Worm

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Modern Portrait Gallery

'In an inexplicable attack of nerves, Elliot becomes the first person ever to screw up John Cage's 4'33'.

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

John Newman

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

'...and another thing, Holy Father, do we call them the 'Falklands' or the 'Malvinas'?'

Conclave.

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'