Modern Banking Chuckler Pillows

'This is one of the few things you still can't do off-line.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Harvest Data Festival

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

PANIC!

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"Hands up!"

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?