Modern Banking Chuckler Pillows

'This is one of the few things you still can't do off-line.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

Secret Identity Theft.

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

Harvest Data Festival

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"Hands up!"

PANIC!

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'