Mockumentary Maestros Gifts

Strainspotting

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Four children playing the flute.

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Children playing in the street

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"Oh he also likes Wagner's 'Flight Of The Valkyries' played whenever he enters a room."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

The TROU of the Baroque

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

A Dummy Corporation.

Requiem

"I can see it going even a little more feline."

Casual Mask Fridays

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

'Are you trying to disparage the notion that less is more.'

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

The Prozac Story: 'It's a feel-good movie.'

"Bob’s just finishing the last chapter of his unauthorized autobiography."

"I can watch more 'Law & Order' than any man in this bar."

Natalie Merchant

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

'A table for four please - she has an imaginary friend.'

'Why are you flicking paint on the floor...'

'How are the memoirs coming along?'

"It's the same thing every Monday morning. Trust me. . . he'll rise to the occasion."

"Your son has a remarkable memory."

"The next speaker needs an introduction but won't get it from me!"

"Hey feet off the table"