Mock Election Follower Pillows

Hi, this is Hillary Clinton. (Sigh) Again? You call every week. The Wall Street Journal is saying I'm a month away from announcing whether I'm running for president. I know how excited you must be, average citizen. Will I? Won't I? You're only a month away from finally knowing! House of Java.net Cybercafe ... Or maybe you're not. Are you? Aren't you? Make it stop. Press "one" or hang up to donate to what may or may not be my campaign.

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Palin 2012

2016 election squabbles!

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

'Mmm...Smells like waffles!'

Hide me. Under the table. What's the matter? He's coming. Who. Who??? The wolf! The hairy man. The insatiable and relentless one. Didn't we just finish an election cycle? There he is! Oh no! The 2020 elections are around the corner. Wolf Blitzer! Run! I'll tune in tomorrow. Don't eat me! CNN.

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Elections in the USA

Pollster

The end of election 2016

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

The Great Divide.

'Obama's letting all the progress we made in Iraq go right down the drain...He's trying to distract everybody...'

"Well, you have to admire his honesty."

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

Trump Tower

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

"Do you have a pill that relieves anger, nausea, depression and distrust? I plan on watching the presidential campaign."

'Oh, we could reduce the deficit, but it'd just leave stretch marks.'

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

'It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible. Wait I didn't state that very elegantly. It's not my job to worry about the 47% of Americans who are irresponsible.'

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

"Here is the campaign strategy and here are the after-the-fact excuses."

Meanwhile, back at the GOP presidential candidate interviews. . .

"I Win!!!"

"I hope it misses us!"

Media Reports: Vast majority of Americans agree - 'Country is going in wrong direction'...

"We were thinking, since your head speechwriter understands the issues better than you do, speaks better than you do, is smarter and better-looking than you.."

'We're saved! -- it's Superdelegate!'

"Well, I don't think we should count on much help from the Russians this election."

RFK Jr Anti-Vax

Wimp and Wimpier: The Democratic Field for 2020

"The Blueberry Bagel, having triumphed on the East Coast, heads West."