Mobile Banterer Pillows

"I don't care if someone is bugging my cell phone, I have no opinions of my own."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Wine Talking

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

"Sipsies?"

'You've had enough!'

'Here comes Ted.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

CartoonStock Upload"You are an all-round good guy!"

"I have four stomachs and one of them always seems to be hungry.''

'Hey carrot-breath! You still mad cause we ran you a little today? Hounds gotta make a living too, ya know.'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

'Stop me when I start extolling the virtues of socialism.'

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'If they didn't want us around, how come they keep putting food out for us?"

'I hate harmonica music.'

Global Warming: American BBQ.

"Experience? I was an on-line financial analyst for nearly an hour."

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"It's the big guy."

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."