Mlb Followers Gifts

'Strike!'

'I think maybe they should move opening day until it's warmer.'

No Baseball

Vendor selling testosterone.

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'I don't mind players entering the NBA at an early age. It's the diaper changes that I hate.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Incorrect weather forecasts.

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

"He just married me on the rebound."

"I can't shake the feeling there's always someone looking over my shoulder."

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

'It'll take a day or two to get the parts. Meanwhile, here's a loaner.'

"Is that one of your wood dodging balls?"

'... So one day I thought, hey, why walk all the way out to the mound just to take a pitcher out of the game?'

Third base coaches during a brawl.

MLB Owners, Players, Fans

"Temp, tempo!"

"If you can get his parents to go ballistic, he can't hit a thing."

'Let me not answer your question this way...'

'Remember his weakness is a pulled tendon, so keep it as high as your bursitis will let you, but take it easy with your fast ball because of my bone chips.'

'Wait! I'm an attorney and I represent the base runner!'

A pitcher is stranded on the mound.

Jerusalem's Got Talent

'They play five innings or until six parents fall asleep, whichever comes first.'

Monster Club. It's difficult to get this entire group to a ball game. Yeah, Dracula will go only on bat day. King Kong has to be in the upper deck. Jekyll and Hyde only go to double-headers. There must be a full moon for the werewolf to go. And of course The Hulk will only sit atop the Fenway Park left field wall. Yeah, he loves the green monster! Red Sox.

No hit field mouse. 'I got it!'

Trucker

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

"Let there be jobs!"

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.

'Keep your eye on the ball, Jake! Level swing! Rotate your hips! ... and ease up on the sunflower seeds!'