Missing Specs Sympathizer Pillows

"Trouble is that I can't look for my glasses until I find them!"

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Rodins rotten juggler

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

'Here's my report card and here's my personal disclaimer.'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

Sling

Sympathy Cards

Type A Flu.

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."

"Damn it, I still haven't got you right! Let's try again."

'I'm a failure as a manager and a husband.' - 'At least you're an excellent customer.'

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

'These are really cool. I'm taking them off you.'

"We are currently experiencing an unusually high volume of calls and all our advisers are busy..."

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

'For goodness sake, do it properly! Use your EYES! It's all about the EYES!!'

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

"Do you have any 'Sorry to hear about your computer problems again'?"

Floral tributes

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

"I'm so sorry, I'm afraid he flew too near the candle"

"You rang. . . ?"

'Wife and 6 kids to support.' - 'Is this allowed?'

'You're not on my list...I'm afraid you've been waiting in the wrong opticians for the last half hour, madam!'