Mishap Maven Pillows

"It's the airline. The luggage you lost seven years ago is still lost."

Workplace 17 Days Without An Accident

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

Bob realised that he'd had his binoculars back to front.

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

'Sorry'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'

'I wish you'd told me your brother worked for the Mirror before we got him to do the wedding pictures.'

"Just what we've been looking for...a happy medium."

Psychic Research Unit.

Doubling Gloucester Cheeses

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

'I thought you'd like to know the cat got down from the roof by itself.'

"And this one is made of ancient crystals that detoxify the air and remove all the money from your pocket."

"He had his binoculars back to front!"

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

Discus accidents.

"That's not what I said."

'You can't win -- I turned the water into wine, and then everybody wanted free refills!'

"And now, with the projected sales figures..."

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

"Maxwell, you idiot! You mailed copies of your last letter to our entire contact list."

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

"Yes I can read palms and if you don't remove yours from my thigh, you'll be reading my palm with your face!"

"Oh no!"