Miscommunication Survivor Gifts

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

'No, I didn't call you a degenerate.'

What price beauty?

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"I meant to let Mr. Goldman know I’d be happy to work on Saturday, but I accidentally typed, ‘I hope your house is infested by termites.’"

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

"Elective surgery? But I'm not even registered to vote!"

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Excuse me, but it's GREG, Greg Chalmers."

'Not scream, you morons! I said screen pass! Set up a screen pass!'

Why are you here?

"When you said you were taking me south on vacation I assumed you meant to the tropics."

Dadonomics

Let's talk about the weather.

"No, what I said was we need more stakeholders."

"There's a man at the door with a wooden leg."

Dyslexic Doomsayers.

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Chapman, you misunderstood what I said about the Clark account. I said mull it over.'

Shoot...not literally, of course.

"...But I don't want to get in the back Norma, I want to stay in the front with you"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

Chat host's irritation at 'Hello, how are you?' greeting.

'Oh, your mouth is saying 'Bow wow', Dolores, but your eyes are saying 'Woof'!'

'I did not call you a 'bar fly'! I said; 'I'll be back, briefly'.'

'I said Mascarpone not Mask A Pony!'