Miscommunication Laughter Gifts

"This to you left me says you want a wok."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"I meant the dog!"

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

"First, admit no harm."

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

'So you are a writer?'

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

"Excuse me, but it's GREG, Greg Chalmers."

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"When you said you were taking me south on vacation I assumed you meant to the tropics."

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Shoot...not literally, of course.

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'Chapman, you misunderstood what I said about the Clark account. I said mull it over.'

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Sir, I'm an estate agent. Not a showbiz agent.'

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

'I could sweat the invitation said '7 a.m.'.'