Miscommunication Laughter Gifts

"This to you left me says you want a wok."

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"I meant the dog!"

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Ding dong means the witch is dead. Ding ding means dinner is ready."

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

"First, admit no harm."

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

"Excuse me, but it's GREG, Greg Chalmers."

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

'So you are a writer?'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"When you said you were taking me south on vacation I assumed you meant to the tropics."

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

"Aunt Mary, I think you may not have heard me right. I requested a bundt cake."

Sea kelp? I said "seek help"!

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Shoot...not literally, of course.

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'Chapman, you misunderstood what I said about the Clark account. I said mull it over.'

"Just wanted to make sure you said no mayo that way I'll know to give you extra."

'Sir, I'm an estate agent. Not a showbiz agent.'

The Embarrassment of Van Gogh

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

Archery Supplies, Inc. When we outsourced production abroad, did anyone explain to our supplier what we meant by "bows and arrows"?