Mirthful Mother Pillows

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't faked headaches?"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

The Yummiest Mummy in the Village

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Add your kids' ages together...

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

'As a patient I'm glad because the doctor cured me. As a lawyer I'm sad because there's no reason to sue that guy.'

'Moron.'

'Just as I thought...made in Alaska!'

"What part of this don't you understand?"

"Innocent, your honor."

For mom's birthday, Dylan wanted to surprise her by making breakfast in bed.

Velocirappers

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

Mom's a little over the top with this stuff, but I like that!

Father's Day

"But is my way the best way to do it???"

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Melting snowman tries to hitch a ride north.

'Starting from bedrock again, Mom?'

Mother goosing her young son.

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

'Your mother deserves a parade and we're going to give it to her.'

'Nurse! The chart says comatose, not comb his toes!'

'The good news is - there hasn't been a mouse in the house since he started taking lessons.'

Baby gift