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"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Comicron

"Garden variety allergies."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Off Duty.

"Gesundheit!"

You need a sense of humor to work here, but you're overqualified.

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

Working at a brewery.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'I think out quarterly report should call it a 'negative upward trend'.'

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

We're filling the void left by no Olympics by having an opening ceremony when removing caps from sodas.

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

It appears the robots have skipped consciousness and gone straight to self-consciousness.

"I told you, no "funny business," Anderson."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"And this is one of the nurses who'll be blamed if the surgeon kills your husband."

'Chapter one. Don't waste your money. Don't buy useless crap like this stupid book'.

'OK, OK, you got me. YOu just couldn't let it go, could you.'

'You didn't go down with shi-ip! You didn't go down with the shi-ip!'

It's our editorial opinion that you DESERVE a very Merry Christmas.

"Don't worry dear. I won't spoil her anymore than you can afford."

"All in favour say 'ouch'."

"So are the results not very good?"

"What were those songs you were singing?"

'Eat in moderation. Drink in moderation. Be merry all you want.'

Periscope sighting

King serfs: using peasant as surfboard.