Ministerial Aide Pillows

"Great report... now put some typographical errors in and send it to the minister."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

The president's men

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

Night-time halo

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Golfing Bishop.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."