Miniature Maniac Pillows

"It's the world's smallest and comes equipped with tweezers and magnifying glass."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

A baby playing on a grand piano

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'Spell checker!'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'We come in peace. Unless, of course, you have stuff that we want.'

Oblivious at 20,000 Feet

"Wow! - Do all Earth people look as tasty as YOU do?"

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

Addiction to mobile.

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

Love Hurts

King Richard I

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

"Well, buddy....a lot of people are missing that. Just look at the social media comments."

Headphone swing

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

Lox Ness Monster

'Oh mate, I can't wait for the zombie apocalypse!'

'Giving a child a violin is like giving him a license to kill!'

Dragon Barbecue

'What do you call a vampire that you can dip into your tea?...Count Dunkula!'

Tar umbrellas for sale at viking attack

Don't Worry, Buddy I've Got Your Back!

An elevator door opens to reveal rows of teeth

oh no - here comes the national trust again...

Journalist interviewing a bird.