Mini Retiree Gifts

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

It's a call from Tate modern.

Child driving a toy car

Pony Rides

Kid doing cave paintings

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"I will give you the specimen some other time!"

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'You could do that.' I did

'Do I have to be creative?'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"I'm not old enough to drive yet, but mom says this is good practice."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I love your work!"

Remote controlled car on a boat.

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Since I became a creator on social media, fridge displays seem so passé."

"Death coach..."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Best Scapegoat