Mini Retiree Pillows

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

It's a call from Tate modern.

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Child driving a toy car

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Pony Rides

Kid doing cave paintings

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"I will give you the specimen some other time!"

'You could do that.' I did

'Do I have to be creative?'

"I'm not old enough to drive yet, but mom says this is good practice."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

Remote controlled car on a boat.

"I love your work!"

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"Whether they are his first words or not - E.V.'s do not make that sound!"

"Death coach..."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Best Scapegoat