Mini Diplomat T-Shirts

"We're not fighting mum, we're playing peace talks"

"Mom! Jonah's engaging in nation-building again!"

"Trust me, Son, you do not want to 'grow up to be president.' "

I'd like to have a sleep-over in exchange for cleaning my room, but we'll see if mom is open to negotiations.

"Plea bargaining with my mom is more like please bargaining."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

EU

Militant Pacifists

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'