Millennium Memer Pillows

Millenium bug

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

Text Culture

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'We'll be outsourcing Main Street.'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

'It's been a tough quarter, so in lieu of bonuses, you'll all be receiving a DVD of out-takes from our meetings.'

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

"We're not doing virtual meetings anymore, Stu."

The Web is mightier than the sword.

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

"Are you kids going to behave, or do I have to put my foot down?!"

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

Accept cookies?

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'I thought elephants never forgot, but according to these results you have alzheimer's disease.'

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

'I see your site doesn't have a 'like' button. The good news is it doesn't need one.'

'Now, 'ol doc, he'd have wrapped 'er the other way.'

"And then I met some computer people who could make it look as if I were talking."

The Evolution of Pop Culture Scapegoats

"Poison ivy? No, I said you have a poison IV. Honestly, I have no idea why we keep that stuff right next to the medicine."

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

'He was a lifelong knee-jerk liberal until he got knee replacement surgery.'

'Norton, couldn't you have taken care of that before the meeting?'

The Potato Salad Society

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords

I've spent much less time with other people recently, but my refrigerator and I have never had a closer relationship.