Millennial Journeyer Gifts

"I just saw a hipster age perceptibly."

Politically Correct Snowperson

Fur Baby

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

Woke Jersey Shore

It's a Millennial Generation Life off!

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Son, you don't need social media to make you feel inadequate and depressed - you've got your parents."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

Millennial Pain Assessment

Man bun tending

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"My parents said I could move back into my old room, but they forgot to mention they sold the house 7 years ago."

Hipster Charm Offensive

"So remember son, if you study hard and keep focused in your job you too can probably not quite reach the same standard of living as your dad."

"What's a phone book?"

Disloyal

Crybaby Millennials

"But...I didn't even get my participation trophy! It's not fair!"

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

"Excuse me, but I happen to identify as a left-handed person and this is a right-handed mug."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

"You just destroyed your safe space."

'I realized that I spent $100,000 to get a $12-per-hour job. In another 40 years I could break even.'

'You can always spot the ones having a mid-life crisis.'

"Fabric softener, chain restaurants, divorce—you millennials are killing everything. I'm impressed."

"I love Millennials. Instead of a company car, we just give them a skateboard."

Nimble

"The economy is sagging and so is Walter."

Bored Apathetic Smiley Face Meme

"Then she was like...no way! Then he was like, I didn't know, right here? Then everyone was like, yo dude, it's blue!"