Military Candidate T-Shirts

Tu Quoque

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Neo-International Law

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Military Medals

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I don't like your application."

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"The first one is for graduating from basic training. The rest are classified."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Lost around a military base.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

Kamikaze Colour

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'Now let me explain our retirement plan.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Veterans Day '20

"I take it this is your first interview since the start of lockdown?"

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'