Midterms Gifts

"Is this going to be on the midterm?"

"What do you think of a Boehner-Netanyahu presidential ticket in 2016?"

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"How was your test?"

"His first out-of-body experience."

Cry babies.

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'I'm not too sure about that.'

Men explained.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

Doughboy Dad

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'