Mid-life Journeyer Pillows

'You can always spot the ones having a mid-life crisis.'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

Parkour for the over-40s.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'In denial and loving it!'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'