Mid-life Explorer Pillows

"There goes my ex-husband and his Mid-Life crisis!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Did you get my tweet?"

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

Lawrence of Suburbia

Danger Quicksand

Parkour for the over-40s.

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"