Microscope Fans Gifts

Microscope's R Us. 'What do you mean out 'No Refunds' small print is too small.'

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

Man Ray

A small man under a giant microscope.

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

Rats in a laboratory labelled: 'Test, Control, Pet.'

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

Optician and the PI.

"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'Are you sure his hat was like that when we started?'

Louis Pasteur Looks Back: "Of course I'm very pleased with pasteurized milk, but naming a wine or beer after me would have been a lot more charismatic."

'. . . And I'm taking the lab rats with me!'

The Hydro-Multi-Aeroplane

Fixing the light

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

Where hard cider comes from.

Mice-Maze Lab. Hey, no using Mapquest!

"The particle physicists get all the chicks."

Scranton the Ride

'All those in favor of looking at pictures of grandchildren before we start bitching about their parents, say aye.'

"I like your new 37.8541 liter hat, Jack."

"Who's the fairest of them all, not using instagram filters?"

"On my last birthday, I received a microscope with a resolution so powerful I was able to watch single-celled organisms divide to create new life. Even with the aid of that microscope, you still could not see the f**k I don't give for your book."

"It's an O.K. phone, but it takes great pictures."

'Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?' - 'It wouldn't help. I've left my glasses at home.'

'No I don't like your idea for cheap wedding photos!'

'Be back here by 10 o'clock, okay? Now if you decide to reproduce, you better make sure it's by binary fission. You got that young lady?'

Giraffe looking at eye doctor's chart.

Natural Born Killers

'Line judge eye centre'

"His social distance is 13 light years."

'What is the Bloody Mary made with? A? B? Rhesus negative? The menu doesn't say.'