Microphone Magician Gifts

Miley Cyrus

Four hints that your microphone might not be on.

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

"This one is about feeling blue because I haven't paid my dues yet."

'How fast can you hype?'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

If Disney was a software company

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'What luck! A sound technician.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Stupid Microwave

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"I lost the groove."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Concert pianist with a clockwork piano.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

The quarantine self cut.

'This changes everything -- I found a loophole in the genetic code!'

"This one comes with a special undo function for erasing any stupid thing you've done or said in your entire life. It doesn't really work, of course, but it's SUPER fun to play with!"

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Mummy Musician

'Music hath charms,' &c.

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

What are you going to do with your face masks when we no longer need them?

Rod Stewart

Tortoise and the Hare

'What's the poule ding?' 'Roast chicken. The ding is the sound of the microwave.'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Moses conducts the Red Sea orchestra.

Journalist interviewing a bird.

Snake charming the telephone.

A man playing on an elephant

'The cauldron is just for the sauce - I do the rest in my microwave.'

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'