Metaphorical Medalist T-Shirts

"Hang on a minute! We do the running and jumping, but the rider always gets the prize money, the cup or the medal!?! You're kidding me right?"

Reading my Critics

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

'Life is like a trough, Mr. Fisk. How much slop you get out of it depends on how much slop you put into it.'

A Poem about Sand

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Out of control

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Rats deserting a sinking ship

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'This one is for keeping all the other ones so neatly arranged.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

'If this thing starts to snowball it will catch fire all across the country.'

"now let's try one without the tusks."

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

Dangling Carrots

"What a day, I swam with the sharks, ran with the bears and wreastled with the bulls..."

Life Remaining Progress Bar