Metaphor Aficionado T-Shirts

Why we need poetry. . .

'You are all points of light in my universe.'

Cubicles, Execs And Employees Growing More Similar To Bees

'Actually, sir, I wasn't speaking metaphorically in reference to the '800 pound gorilla'...'

'Let's put it on the back burner for now. Give us both a chance to cool down.'

"I'd like to crack you open like a lobster but we don't do that for hemorrhoids."

"I enjoy being a simple nursery rhyme character but my most satisfying work is as a metaphor for the stock market."

"Welcome to Ask Sadie. You're on, Vancouver. What's your problem?" "I met this really cool guy who makes my toes go numb..." "...but I'd already been talking to another guy. The thing is, I want them both. Is that selfish?" "Excellent question." "This reminds me of the time I went to the Sizzler salad bar. I wanted both the ranch dressing and the vinaigrette. So what I did was, I poured both of them all over my lettuce at the same time." "Metaphor." "No, just two." "...Wait...what?"

"After serving 30 years, you get a gold watch to help keep track of eternity."

When the law changes hats...

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'So push has come to shove...'

"The reason I dress like this is because I have to put up with so much bull on this job."

Wash, Dry & Spin.

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Reading my Critics

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Wow, what a DILF."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

A Poem about Sand

Ginger's bakery: Our Cookies Snap!

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"We've hit the jackpot! It's Ed Sheeran's songwriting formula."

"According to national law you're innocent but national law counts less than. . ."

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

Cold Enough to Freeze Brass Monkeys.

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."