Messy Lifestyle Gifts

"Ninety percent of household dust is dried flaky skin."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

'The sleepover was great Mum: Timmy's house is a pigsty just like ours...'

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

"I have a protein drink every day for lunch, because I never have to chew."

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

"Perhaps it was wrong to say 'May our company become a home to you'..."

'You're not creating another thing till you've tidied your room!'

Non Drip Paint

'Oh Sit down again and read your paper!'

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

'How did the 'creative way of thinking' course go?'

'You have to clean it yourself. There is no delete key.'

"Decaf, Sid?"

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

"Instead of cleaning my room, can we just seal the door and call it a time capsule?"

'Frankly, they're too busy to have pets: They have to pay somebody to walk me...'

'Of course, but it's very expensive, with all that organic food, renewable energy and 5 star health care and horrendous surcharges on sin.'

"Who made this mess?"

Buy a dog - the ideal pet for those too busy to mess up their homes themselves.

'You've had mates around - this place is a tip!'

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

As a child, Edvard Munch is scolded by his mother.

'I keep it this way on purpose, for speedy reference.'

'I can't get into my room because of all the clothes, books and C.Ds piled up against the door, so we have to go in this way.'

'Like heck he invented fire -- it was spontaneous combustion from the slob's trash pile.'

"I thought you said that he was house trained!"

'Don't touch - it's still wet.'

The Artist

"If think my sense of smell is returning."