Merchandiser Gifts

'Football merchandise - replica wives.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Dressed for Success!

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Creative department

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Parade of Businessmen

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Motorherd

"We're odd looking but just as good."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Important Food Groups

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'We've re-branded.'