Menu Wordsmith Gifts

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Torturing the English Language

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"Do me next."

First Novels.

"She's been so creative lately."

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Cut Price

Backfire

'Why can't we have a texting bee?'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

Someone who knows apostrophes

Why we need poetry. . .

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

What's normal?

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.