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Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

Punkcakes

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

"The chef informs me that, while the salmon is farm raised, the garnish is indeed feral."

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"He said his name was Joseph when he told us he'd be our waiter this evening."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

Scientific research (whaling).

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'All dishes without ft...without salt...without sugar.'

'Beefsteak tomatoes and mincemeat pie.'

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

"How is everything?"

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.