Menu Designer Gifts

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Page 1 is 'Best-Sellers.' Page 2 is 'Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous,' and on the back is 'And Bear in Mind.' "

Restaurant. Special: Fricken Chicassee. The chef shouldn't write the special when he's angry.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'You still have breakfast and lunch on your dinner menu.'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

National Coffee Day

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Can you just recommend something? Neither of us can possibly focus long enough to read a menu."

"We're out of today's soup, but you can have tomorrow's soup from yesterday which is the same as today's."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."