Memory Sharers Pillows

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

Where was I?

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

Wanna talk about it?

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

"Look, previous, your video got 954 likes this morning!"

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"Well...at least you don't s**t on my ideas."

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"First of all, this conversation never happened."

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

'This reminds me of something funny. Remember the day I was shopping in that china shop and suddenly sneezed?'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

If Dogs Made Perfume

"Everyone here is bonding over pictures of their dogs."

'She blogged her first word today.'

"As you can see this is pretty embarrassing so I'd appreciate keeping it between you, me and this fence post."

"Forty years ago on this very seat I proposed to you. Made up your mind yet?"

Couple in bed. Man says: 'Are you BLOGGING this?'

Ear Bud Hijacking

"Your daughter has 'I have something to share' syndrome."