Memory Lapse Memer Gifts

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'We'll be outsourcing Main Street.'

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

'It's been a tough quarter, so in lieu of bonuses, you'll all be receiving a DVD of out-takes from our meetings.'

'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

"We're not doing virtual meetings anymore, Stu."

The Web is mightier than the sword.

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

'If youth is wasted on youth, I'd just as well spend my time social networking.'

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

"Dislocating your jaw yawning during my lecture on work related injuries is NOT a work related injury!"

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'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'I thought elephants never forgot, but according to these results you have alzheimer's disease.'

"And then I met some computer people who could make it look as if I were talking."

The Evolution of Pop Culture Scapegoats

'I see your site doesn't have a 'like' button. The good news is it doesn't need one.'

"I hope they're not fake commandments!"

"Oh, nuts – I forgot why I came out here."

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

'Norton, couldn't you have taken care of that before the meeting?'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

'Has Eric been in.' 'Was I with him?.'

The Potato Salad Society

'DO me a favor. Don't keep saying 'Hi. How's it going?' whenever you swim past me.'

America's Funniest Encrypted Passwords

"I didn't endorse him, but I 'Liked' him on Facebook."

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

"Oh dear, I'm terrible with names."

I've spent much less time with other people recently, but my refrigerator and I have never had a closer relationship.

'There have been some mutterings that the partnership council is just window dressing...'

Chatterbox Monkey