Membership Seeker T-Shirts

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"Business is booming! Come in and see our explosive sales today!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

The Female Brain and The Other One

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

'Of course it's high in protein. Just look at this!'

Irregulars

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Alternative Medicine. Group Hug.

'You have a friend request.'

'We still have a few minor issues to work out: I want a huge wedding and he wants to be single.'

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"That's what I love about the game - it's so social."

"Oh don't mind us, we are just having a small get together!"

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

'I need a commitment. I don't want to just hang out with you.'

"Oh come on, rejoin the party. After all, no man is an isl –"

"It's my emotional-support beard."

I brake for all 50 off Sales.

"Better than a hunting dog - she sniffs out wifi hotspots."

"Pace yourself, Mother."

Unplugged.

Can I help you? I need some sneakers. Sale. Okay. We've got ones for running, jogging, walking, basketball, tennis, pickleball, hiking, cross-training, golf, bowling, volleyball, squash, badminton, jumproping, racquetball, skateboarding, climbing. What activity best describes your needs? What do you think, Ernie? Was "ottomanning" a choice?

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

Sure you can twitter, but can you chirp, warble and trill?

'I'm just looking for a committed relationship. I'm sick of all the games.'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"