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"Oh, a wise guy, huh?"

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'Oh, crap.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Zenemies.

My God, I need to fart.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Meditation

"Showoff"

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

Taking a little mental vacation can help as long as you don't go to mental.

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Trivia Night in Apartment 8-G

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"... and this is Carol’s stupid meditation room."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'Have you been working out?'

"Did you unpack your baggage yourself?"

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

I swear, you don't hear a word I don't say.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

Grok's Thought Stopping.