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How To Be In the Moment

Guru Warranty,

'I had to stop Yoga and Meditation: I was getting less and less aggressive...'

"My mind is especially empty today."

'Have you been working out?'

'Our material is great -- we just need a wider audience.'

Visualize Inner 'Piece'...

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

'We're supposed to be ascetic up here - A snack bar would defeat the purpose.'

'The Master goes to seek wisdom from a higher power!'

Working from OM.

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

"Yeah, my wing is mending OK, and it has given me time to reflect on how amazing it is that we can actually fly..."

Transcendental Fossilization

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

Yin and Yang

Traffic calming ahead.

The Mantra Ray

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Fitness Guru

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

'Better call 911 -- Goopta just went into hyper-enlightenment!'

'If we meditate conscientiously, and never do anything wrong, in the next life we might get to be Episcopalians!'

Zenemies.

'Embrace nonviolence!', 'I don't see how THAT'S going to help.'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Hey, that's for MY inner peace, go get your own!'

"Hi! Are you enjoying the peace and quiet?!"

'Goopta believes in a businesslike approach to enlightenment.'

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

"Good for him. Terrible for Skull Island tourism."

Yoga was great. Now I just have to. Mom! I need poster board for my science project tonight! You promised to drive me to Max's! Center.

It's an out-of-body experience, Bob – You can't bring your phone.

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"